Finding the Balance! - Life/Music/Family/etc.

[onile]

"Hi

This has moved away from Thomas's wonderful solo but the issue of balancing life and practice is a BIG one. It can sometimes seem like many of the people on here and elsewhere in life have the privelage of more time than us mortals. I personally have a full time job(as a percussion teacher in school), a marriage and a 4 year old, so finding much more than 4 or 5 hours a week is nearly impossible. I think we have to deal with our limitations as this is just life, I have been to the brink of depression over trying to make it to a certain level in my playing in the time I have and failing as the bar was just too high. Sadly at this point it can be easy to lose sight of why we played in the first place and not enjoy it at all anymore. I am afraid I don't yet have the answer to this one!! but if anyone else has a philosophy that can help me and any others in this situation then let me know. Maybe we should start a new topic rather that hi-jacking thomas's. If so let me know where it is.

Thanks

Ricky"


Alafia Abure Ricky!
I hope that you are well and abundantly blessed!

The fact that you have mentioned you are dealing with "work", "family", and "music" most certainly says that you ARE blessed!

Finding the balance with these is the challenge you've been handed, now it's up to you to make the best of it. You are most certainly not on your own in this, many of us have had to and continue to deal with it.

Family is the best blessing in the world, whether your own, community family, or a musical family.....it gives one purpose. The fact that you are a Teacher, again a great blessing on it's own. You have the power/ability to influence the tiny little lives you come in contact with daily! One of the most common threads in this tapestry of life is Music!

Allow music to play a part in each segment of life and your blessings will flow onto those with whom you come in contact with. Depression will fade away as you look at the many riches in your life.

As for practice, one can only make the effort (with such a full plate of things throughout the day). It isn't easy as one might want, to balance all of these things, but it most certainly can and is extremely rewarding Abure Ricky!

I for one became a young father at the age of 19, got married and had another child, then four years later divorced. I wound up becoming a 'single parent', rasing my two children, maintaining a job (working with young fathers), and playing congas. I had experienced some of the same feelings you mentioned, however after doing some introspection and realizing the many blessings I had been given I rejoiced and began to find balance in my life for all. I had been able to do what I loved (working with young fathers), and to love what I did (playing congas)!

Now, I'm retired and was given the best gift of my life at the age of 42, my baby girl (7yrs. old), Destiny! I have been fielding playing engagements and making decisions to stay at home at times with my daughter and sharing in her growing up.

We each have a different path on this journey, our's is to make the best of it!


Many blessings Ricky!

Have Faith in Yourself!

Respectfully,

Onile!



Edited By onile on 1182006258

[Mike]

Family is the best blessings in the world

Onile, I totally back you up. Very much so, I´m a real family man, whenever I find the time I do things together with my two boys (6 and 9 years) as well as with my wonderful wife. But the crucial point lies in the phrase ´whenever I find the time´ - job life kills personal time to a disconcerting degree. And I´ve got the feeling it gets worse and worse. Ask my family what I (have to) spend my time on, and it will be "school"! I´m a 40-year-old highschool teacher for music and English here in Germany. Sadly enough there is not only little time for my family, but even more so for myself. So practicing congas is a ray of hope for some hours of the week and nothing more. OK I LOVE to arrange or write music for my percussion band at school, but playing myself tends to get out of focus - it´s impossible at times.
But I think most of us congaplace members who are not what you call professional full-time musicians (although teaching music is and has to be professional, it´s definitely full-time and I claim the artistic aspect too except that I´m surely no professional performer on congas) - well we are all caught in the job-and time trap, aren´t we...?
Is getting older all about making compromises? ??? I don´t know. Although I sometimes wish I was a student at university again (we had a marvellous Big Band called Blechreiz with great funk, Latin and jazz pieces), I find sense in what I do today - only having to put aside your own wishes for too long isn´t good. On the other hand I deeply believe that educating pupils - especially those who don´t get much support, be it pedagogical, musical or whatever from their parental environment - is a great challenge - and I like challenges... :;):
To sum it up, I´ve recently dug out some time holes for practicing, i.e. playing my congas and other percussion stuff. 20 minutes of intense playing after dinner can bring you back some happiness, it´s better than nothing. On the other hand I really need the social spect, so ensemble playing is "it". Some pupils are already quite good at it (extracurricular activities), so that´s the side of my work that really fulfills me.

What do the others think, what stories have U got tell?



Edited By Mike on 1182011217

[ricky linn]

Many thanks guys

Nice to know I'm not the only one. I suppose that one of the reasons for my lack of practice/development time is that I do put my family commitments first! Family is a blessing but hey, anyone with family who takes it seriously also knows how hard it is to cling to your own interests. I am staring to realise that, sadly, my kid is starting to grow up fast and that someday, like it or not (and I know it will be not!), I will get my own time back as she will also have her own interests. I guess music is secondary to family life in every way but most of us will have spent our formative years with 'musician competitiveness insanity disorder' and it can be hard, but probably healthy, to let this go. I also want to maintain a certain level of playing as my music now seems more important as I desperately want my kid to grow up in a house with music, though whether she wants to play is very much her choice. I did manage to take a day off to have a tabla lesson today, my first in many months as my tabla teacher is 2 and a half hours drive away, and it felt great to get back to it.

Ricky

[ricky linn]

Also,

I should have stressed how much I appreciate the support, what a great on line community we have here. Thanks so much for these replies and any future ones.

Ricky

[Whopbamboom]

For me and my wife, it was a matter of slashing our overhead to the bare minimum's. This has entailed getting rid of our second car, putting my phone service on the cheapest plan possible, stop working (and driving around), rent just a room and not a whole place by ourselves, and have been living off of selling off our other posessions.

This was all done after realizing that we were in absolutely NO better of a place by working. Driving to work costs a lot of gas money, wear and tear on our vehicle (which involves maintenance costs, resale depreciation, having to replace the vehicle sooner, etc., not to mention that our insurance costs increase with increased mileage. This forces a person to HAVE to work more, which also increases the taxes that must be paid on that income, which means that a person must work even more, etc. etc. etc. You wind up working just to be working, and it doesn't leave you any time to seriously persue music.

It's a viscious cycle, and it will eat up all your time and money. This is why we looked at breaking free of it, and whether or not we could basically live off of selling our existing posessions and in essence, go back to school and persue our music career in earnest.

This is also not something that we are doing as young kids! (I am 38 now). This has come after years of fruitlessly struggling to do it with the regular job and all the costs that comes with that. It has also come after working in a corporation for several years, all the while making several attempts at private business, and then several years of college (as a music major) to boot. We just realized that this was the way to go for us, and it's not all that bad! We now live away from the city, up in the mountains near a beautiful lake and in fresh clean air, we walk everywhere, take hikes, and simply are home-schooling and preparing for a music profession together. We currently practice at our local church a couple sessions a day, and the rest of the time is used for other preparations. Sure, we will eventually have to rejoin the "rat race", but the next time we do, it will be in the music business.

Of course, we do not have kids. And that can make a huge difference right there. I can't offer you advice on that.

But what I can say--- take a look at where all your time is going, and then ask yourself if there's another way.
If you own a home with a lot of equity, that's great-- I sure don't. But if you absolutely loathe your current career, have a life full of stress, dream of being a musician for a living, and just cannot spare the time to get there, then you might want to start looking at ways to use your current resources differently. If you seriously wish to go into the music profession, then perhaps it is a good move to sell that home, live off that equity, rent a little place in the boonies for cheap, get some fresh air, and spend your time working on music. The internet really allows you to be in the middle of nowhere and still persue music-- plenty of information, and you can have items shipped to your door.

If you are not persuing a music career, and really just want to play more music as a hobby, then you won't need to make such a drastic change. But the idea is the same. Take a look at the things ththat you spend all your time on, and see if there's another way. You only live once, and in my opinion a life is wasted if you can't do the things that you really want to do.

[Chapo]

Guys, I really don't think it should be that complicated. You set your priorities & plan your time accordingly. The things that are most important to YOU as an individual are the ones that come first. Unless playing drums is your only occupation & it is the most important thing to YOU, it has to fall below other things & you live with the consequences, good or bad. Making these choices should not be stressfull. Be honest with yourself, keep things FUN & loose & live your life the best you can because it really is too short to do otherwise.

Luis

[CongaTick]

Hmmmm......At 65...on my 3rd wife (You got me way beat JC!) and a bunch of life....I've learned that NONE OF IT MATTERS A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT. Within 3 weeks after I die only my kids and wife will think of me more than once a day. My legacy? Certainly my kids. They're tough and civil and smart human beings. As for playing congas, it happens to be my latest passion/obssesion of which I have several (bonsai, fly fishing, ham radio) and see it as a worthy way to occupy my time until the grim reaper comes a-calling. Balance? Nothing complicated here. Just what you gotta do so's you don't piss off too many people during each day. Music and the rhythms of the conga are at the top of my soul masterbation list, and for now I'll keep stroking it daily for as long as I can.

[Mike]

I also want to maintain a certain level of playing as my music now seems more important as I desperately want my kid to grow up in a house with music, though whether she wants to play is very much her choice.

Hello Ricky, so do I! And I think as long as you DO what you you want, it´s all fine. I mean providing a musical surrounding is good in every respect, it is self-explanatory to children. Nothing would be worse than only BEING WILLED to do it... Kids have antennae for what their parents really like - most of the times at least :;):



Edited By Mike on 1182094504