Conga jokes - funny
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by Berimbau » Wed Aug 24, 2005 9:35 pm
What do you call a conguero with a matching set of four Paladium congas with cases?
An endorser!
What do you call a conguero with a mis-matched set in filthy old mail bags consisting of one cracked old 31" Gon Bop, one old 28" fiberglass LP, and one taped-up 30" Zim Gar with fifty washers on each lug?
A non-endorser!
lol,
Berimbau :laugh:
An endorser!
What do you call a conguero with a mis-matched set in filthy old mail bags consisting of one cracked old 31" Gon Bop, one old 28" fiberglass LP, and one taped-up 30" Zim Gar with fifty washers on each lug?
A non-endorser!
lol,
Berimbau :laugh:
.
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Berimbau - Posts: 356
- Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 12:09 am
- Location: Asheville, N.C.
by Berimbau » Wed Aug 24, 2005 10:24 pm
Well I'm posting some more conguero jokes oblivious of the fact that 90% of congueros have a 45 listed as their "second instrument" in the book down at the musicians union. Well at least we never have trouble collecting our doubling fee! These jokes are not politically correct but NO whining! We'll leave that to puppies and female singer-songwriters!
Q: How do you give a conguero a concusion?
A: Smash his head with the toilet seat while he's drinking.
Q: What do you say to a conguero in a three- piece suit?
A: Will the defendent please rise.
Q: What do you have when a conguero is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: When a conguero dies, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
A: Because down deep, they are all nice guys!
Q: How do you get a conguero out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: How do you stop a conguero from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
Q: What is the definition of a "lucky break?"
A: When a busload of conga players goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.
Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a conguero?
A: One's a bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other's just a fish.
Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of conga players?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
Q: What does a conga player and a sperm have in common?
A: Both have about a 1-in-3 million chance of becoming a human being.
Q: Where can you find a good conga drummer?
A: In the cemetery
Q: What do conga players use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead conga player in the middle of the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a conguero?
A: A Doberman.
Q: If you see a conguero on a bicycle, why would you swerve to avoid hitting him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a conga player You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: You shoot the conga player. Twice.
Q: Do you know what happens when a conga player takes Viagra?
A: He gets taller.
Q: What do you call a handcuffed conga player?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What does it mean when a conga drummer is in bed gasping for breath and calling his wife's name?
A: His wife didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why do conga drummers like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
Q: How are congueros like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
Q: How can you tell when a conga drummer is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q: How do conga players exercise on the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Q: How do you get 100 congueros into a phonebooth?
A: Throw in a nickle bag.
Q: How do you get a conga drummer to stop biting his nails?
A: Make him wear shoes.
Q: How does a conga player show he's planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q: How is Colonel Sanders like the typical conguero?
A: All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
Q: What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent conga drummer?
A: Big Foot's been spotted several times.
Q: Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for conga drummers than for other musicians?
A: When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and a conguero?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: A conguero with a mortgage.
Q: How late does the band play?
A: About half a beat behind the coked-up conga player.
Q: How do you get a conguero off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: What do you call a building full of congueros?
A: Jail.
Q: Did you hear about the conga player from Havana who was so big when he died that they couldn't find a coffin big enough to hold the body?
A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoe box. :laugh:
Q: How do you give a conguero a concusion?
A: Smash his head with the toilet seat while he's drinking.
Q: What do you say to a conguero in a three- piece suit?
A: Will the defendent please rise.
Q: What do you have when a conguero is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: When a conguero dies, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
A: Because down deep, they are all nice guys!
Q: How do you get a conguero out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: How do you stop a conguero from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
Q: What is the definition of a "lucky break?"
A: When a busload of conga players goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.
Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a conguero?
A: One's a bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other's just a fish.
Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of conga players?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
Q: What does a conga player and a sperm have in common?
A: Both have about a 1-in-3 million chance of becoming a human being.
Q: Where can you find a good conga drummer?
A: In the cemetery
Q: What do conga players use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead conga player in the middle of the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a conguero?
A: A Doberman.
Q: If you see a conguero on a bicycle, why would you swerve to avoid hitting him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a conga player You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: You shoot the conga player. Twice.
Q: Do you know what happens when a conga player takes Viagra?
A: He gets taller.
Q: What do you call a handcuffed conga player?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What does it mean when a conga drummer is in bed gasping for breath and calling his wife's name?
A: His wife didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why do conga drummers like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
Q: How are congueros like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
Q: How can you tell when a conga drummer is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q: How do conga players exercise on the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Q: How do you get 100 congueros into a phonebooth?
A: Throw in a nickle bag.
Q: How do you get a conga drummer to stop biting his nails?
A: Make him wear shoes.
Q: How does a conga player show he's planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q: How is Colonel Sanders like the typical conguero?
A: All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
Q: What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent conga drummer?
A: Big Foot's been spotted several times.
Q: Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for conga drummers than for other musicians?
A: When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and a conguero?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: A conguero with a mortgage.
Q: How late does the band play?
A: About half a beat behind the coked-up conga player.
Q: How do you get a conguero off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: What do you call a building full of congueros?
A: Jail.
Q: Did you hear about the conga player from Havana who was so big when he died that they couldn't find a coffin big enough to hold the body?
A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoe box. :laugh:
.
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Berimbau - Posts: 356
- Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 12:09 am
- Location: Asheville, N.C.
by GuruPimpi » Wed Aug 31, 2005 4:21 pm
Ok, One for drummers too...
In a brain shop a man wants to buy a brain... He looks around and the prices are all mainly somewhere between 300-400$, the guy finds the brain of rocket scientist and a brain of a drummer and he is shocked with the prices; rocket scientist's brain 25$, drummer's 1750$. He asks the salesman about the strange difference of price, and the salesman says: well, boy, the drummer's brain are almost not used at all....
In a brain shop a man wants to buy a brain... He looks around and the prices are all mainly somewhere between 300-400$, the guy finds the brain of rocket scientist and a brain of a drummer and he is shocked with the prices; rocket scientist's brain 25$, drummer's 1750$. He asks the salesman about the strange difference of price, and the salesman says: well, boy, the drummer's brain are almost not used at all....
It's about liberating yourself, man!!!
http://www.myspace.com/odfranclnamozgani
http://www.myspace.com/perkakns
http://www.myspace.com/strojmachine
http://www.myspace.com/robertjerele
http://www.myspace.com/odfranclnamozgani
http://www.myspace.com/perkakns
http://www.myspace.com/strojmachine
http://www.myspace.com/robertjerele
-
GuruPimpi - Posts: 487
- Joined: Thu Dec 09, 2004 2:12 am
- Location: Slovenija
by yoni » Fri Sep 02, 2005 4:52 am
GuruPimpi wrote:Ok, One for drummers too...
In a brain shop a man wants to buy a brain... He looks around and the prices are all mainly somewhere between 300-400$, the guy finds the brain of rocket scientist and a brain of a drummer and he is shocked with the prices; rocket scientist's brain 25$, drummer's 1750$. He asks the salesman about the strange difference of price, and the salesman says: well, boy, the drummer's brain are almost not used at all....
Love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- yoni
- Posts: 538
- Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2003 12:52 pm
- Location: Israel
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